My Darling Son

http://words-in-verse.blogspot.co.nz/2013/11/my-darling-son.html

Thoughts on Motherhood

The little life growing inside me is constantly moving around at 31 weeks. These movements literally feel like butterflies in my stomach. I feel the overwhelming need to write about him or her but words fail me and I’m often left with unfinished sentences that trail off into thoughts that cannot be put into words.  I did not expect motherhood to come knocking into my life so fast…then again I know not what I think because I often think myself into endless confusion. In another 7-9 weeks, I will get to see his or her face for the first time. I wonder what it will be like… I wonder what I will feel for that little person for they say it’s an indescribable feeling - the love you feel for a child born of your own flesh and blood. I wonder whether it would hit me hard with a lot of force or come quietly in the night while I sleep and settle un-announced in my heart. 

Apart from these, I feel a whole range of emotions. My body is no longer the one I knew for the last 28 years – the changes that have taken place are only a testimony to the miracles of nature and I’m yet to see the biggest miracle of all – how I will get through bringing another human being to this world. Right now when I think about it, it feels unimaginable – even scary, yet at other times, it feels like the most natural next step.  Naturally, there is an element of anxiety and a fear of the unknown. Despite all of this, I want to believe that everything will be fine. I know that my life is about to change drastically and I wonder who I will find myself to be on the other side of this process - Not just at the end of giving birth but in becoming a Mother….

This is only a glimpse into a minute fraction of the thoughts I feel right now. As for the rest of the emotions I want to express - I can only wish that words would come to me.

Transition to 2013

Another year has arrived and has begun to progress as all the years that have been before. For me, 2012 came to an end in a mindful and relaxed way which I’m grateful for. For the first time in a long time, I felt ready to start afresh without feeling torn and agitated with much mental noise crowding my mind. It was not that last year was any different, though of course it was in many ways life changing for me – it was just that I gave myself the permission to enjoy the type of quiet pleasures that I always enjoyed: walks on the beach with the dogs, long drives on hot summer days that ended up at the beach to pick a perfect shell or two (or a lot), quiet conversations and inklings of inspirations that made me want to create something that I just couldn’t put my finger on, day dreams that flitted across my mind and plenty of quiet moments at home....and most of all, a sense of peace that briefly came to me as we welcomed the New Year at the temple with some friends all made it perfect. For once on New Year’s Eve, I didn’t feel lost, for 2013 looked promising and full of hope with new beginnings.