Random thoughts

It is a fine winter day, crisp with blue skies with a dash of fine clouds. Just the way I like it. My office is quiet these days and I can even hear the distant whirl of a helicopter in the sky. Having a quiet office with no one else around is a bonus when you have to focus. But my most urgent work is done and dusted and I am back to a blank canvas, a beginning of a new milestone. As usual, I’m feeling a little lost and stupid and not quite knowing where to start. I feel somewhat restless although I have no particular recent to be. Lack of focus makes me feel that way. But I guess with time, I will get into it and make progress.

Yoga session yesterday was great. Once again, it is one thing I keep looking forward to each week. I marvel at the man that is my yoga teacher. Apparently, he lives miles away from the hustle and bustle of the city in the bush, in a caravan. Yes in a caravan, with no electricity and lives by candle light. He chooses this simplistic life over the materialistic lives we tend to create these days. I perceive him as a true yogi and the only one I am fortunate enough to know so far. He was apparently a part of a rock band once, before he decided to go the opposite direction. Such people truly inspire me and I respect them for they are brave to go against the natural stream we all seem to flow with. Such peace they must experience with their way of thinking, minimal worldly possessions and few attachments.

It is nearly the end of the week. Sometimes, the end of the week brings me more anxiety than the beginning of the week. It is because of the irregular nature of the weekend I think. Usually, unexpected things always happen and I am caught off guard. I like to think that I’m not a control freak. Actually I’m not. But I have this condition where I always want to know ‘what is going to happen’....otherwise when things come up, I get excited and agitated. This is life isn’t it? We have to be flexible and adaptable. It is a concept that I’m still struggling with. Life cannot always be planned...especially when people and circumstances are unpredictable. Maybe that is the beauty of life....it’s time I came to terms with it.

Anticlimax

It is the end of a milestone at work. Sadly it is a bit of an anticlimax with the return of the ‘project manager’ who drove me over the edge to blow up and speak up. Anyway it was over and I survived without embarrassingly shedding any tears which usually happens when I am overcome with frustration and anger. Anyhow, thanks to this particular person, the satisfaction I had with work, the rare focus I amazingly mustered, the drive and motivation soon disappeared. It is a bit of a sad situation because I have mentally given up when I know I shouldn’t have especially when there is so much more other work to be done. But it is just one of those days that I want to blend into the background noise of life and forget myself without focusing my entire energy on something only to find it not worth the effort. Maybe tomorrow I will pick up the pieces and move on....tomorrow will be a better day because I would have had a yoga session tonight to drive away all meaningless frustrations out of my mind. Yes, it will be good.

A walk to remember

I sit on a moss covered rock, dampened by the flowing stream frothing and gurgling all around and about me.  We drink the warm tea out of the green old flask that we never normally use and share the hastily made ham sandwiches with marmite (yes, a weird combination indeed). I look up at the sky and the drizzling rain drops fall on my face. Looking around I absorb the different shades of green, the rocks polished smooth by the flowing clear water, boulders rising jagged and proud from the depths of the stream . The rushing water makes that special kind of music that makes you want to close your eyes and listen for the rest of your life. Nature, flaunts her raw beauty in her own hidden territory unseen by the world. Being here makes me incredibly happy. Whoever thought sitting in the rain in the middle of a stream, amidst acres and acres of forest, with no cell phone reception would be so delightful?