The little life
growing inside me is constantly moving around at 31 weeks. These movements
literally feel like butterflies in my stomach. I feel the overwhelming need to
write about him or her but words fail me and I’m often left with unfinished
sentences that trail off into thoughts that cannot be put into words. I did not expect motherhood to come knocking
into my life so fast…then again I know not what I think because I often think
myself into endless confusion. In another 7-9 weeks, I will get to see his or
her face for the first time. I wonder what it will be like… I wonder what I
will feel for that little person for they say it’s an indescribable feeling - the
love you feel for a child born of your own flesh and blood. I wonder whether it
would hit me hard with a lot of force or come quietly in the night while I
sleep and settle un-announced in my heart.
Apart from
these, I feel a whole range of emotions. My body is no longer the one I knew
for the last 28 years – the changes that have taken place are only a testimony
to the miracles of nature and I’m yet to see the biggest miracle of all – how I
will get through bringing another human being to this world. Right now when I think
about it, it feels unimaginable – even scary, yet at other times, it feels like
the most natural next step. Naturally,
there is an element of anxiety and a fear of the unknown. Despite all of this,
I want to believe that everything will be fine. I know that my life is about to
change drastically and I wonder who I will find myself to be on the other side
of this process - Not just at the end of giving birth but in becoming a Mother….
This is only a
glimpse into a minute fraction of the thoughts I feel right now. As for the
rest of the emotions I want to express - I can only wish that words would come
to me.
