The little life
growing inside me is constantly moving around at 31 weeks. These movements
literally feel like butterflies in my stomach. I feel the overwhelming need to
write about him or her but words fail me and I’m often left with unfinished
sentences that trail off into thoughts that cannot be put into words. I did not expect motherhood to come knocking
into my life so fast…then again I know not what I think because I often think
myself into endless confusion. In another 7-9 weeks, I will get to see his or
her face for the first time. I wonder what it will be like… I wonder what I
will feel for that little person for they say it’s an indescribable feeling - the
love you feel for a child born of your own flesh and blood. I wonder whether it
would hit me hard with a lot of force or come quietly in the night while I
sleep and settle un-announced in my heart.
Apart from
these, I feel a whole range of emotions. My body is no longer the one I knew
for the last 28 years – the changes that have taken place are only a testimony
to the miracles of nature and I’m yet to see the biggest miracle of all – how I
will get through bringing another human being to this world. Right now when I think
about it, it feels unimaginable – even scary, yet at other times, it feels like
the most natural next step. Naturally,
there is an element of anxiety and a fear of the unknown. Despite all of this,
I want to believe that everything will be fine. I know that my life is about to
change drastically and I wonder who I will find myself to be on the other side
of this process - Not just at the end of giving birth but in becoming a Mother….
This is only a
glimpse into a minute fraction of the thoughts I feel right now. As for the
rest of the emotions I want to express - I can only wish that words would come
to me.
Nicely put sis, a trail of thoughts of mixed emotions, that perhaps all moms in the world go through at one time in life. On the other hand, you can also relate it to your own mom, how she must have felt while carrying you within her for 9 months. My mom always say, whenever I grumble about this and that, only a mom would understand what she says.. and I guess that's true. You've got to reach that position to know how they feel, and so you're at the beginning of the journey en route to motherhood. :)
ReplyDeleteI am sure everything will be fine and your anxieties will simply go away with time. :)
Thanks for your kind thoughts and wishes sis. I certainly hope that anxieties will fade away in time..:)
ReplyDelete