There used to be a need to love – almost a frantic need. Then there was an even more anxious need to be loved. Now, there is very little of that and sometimes thoughts of being cold-hearted come up in the mind. Lately, life feels almost neutral with not too much excitement. There is a sense of being here and just observing what is going on without needing to play a role. It is easier to be detached. It is a relief to be detached even from the need to fix all that appears to be ‘wrong’ or grab hold of what is ‘fleeting’. There is the habit of judging each day to see if there was anything useful and valuable done. The mind is always looking for problems and pointing out areas of ‘lack’. It’s tempting to go along with the mind’s chatter but there is a certain resolve to not. It feels different to be this way for it was second nature to be always so attached to something – fantasies, ideas, people, dreams and things. For once it is quite clear that it does not matter what I do in this life. It truly does not matter because everything is just changing scenery that we call life. Since nothing at all matters, then perhaps what matters is to be free.