The Kindest Words

Anyone ever said to me is hand written on the first page of the book by Oprah Winfrey – ‘Words that matter’, a book that was gifted to me by an aunt, one of the most amazing women I have met in my life. These words are those that I go to when my days are filled with darkness and I am lost even to myself.

Darling H,

To me, you are a woman of substance. I acknowledge your greatness. I genuinely admire you and have deep respect for you.

Will always love you!

J Nandi

(Nov 2011)

These words deeply touch me and every time I read them, I am moved close to tears for I know that in someone’s eyes I am enough...

Note to self : Live like I mean it!

I wish I could think of something profound to write on this very first day of this brand new year. But my mind is blank and my thoughts scatter like blobs of mercury spilled on a concrete floor..I feel tired, yet relaxed. Indifferent, yet full of emotion..a myriad of feelings jumbled in my head. But tonight, for now i am only aware of the gentle patter of rain outside and the cool breeze that is blowing through my window. Somehow it doesn't matter what this year would bring. I just want to LIVE each day of my life instead of waiting for life to begin.

Invitation

Dear Friends,

Lately I have made a discovery about myself. It is that I'm most fond of writing

short bursts of words that come to mind from time to time. They are personal and for a long time, I have felt fearful/shy/vulnerable of exposing myself with my private thoughts. But with time, I have also realized that perhaps a purpose of my existence is expressing my self, telling my story, being who I am, as I am.  

So, here I am inviting you to visit my poems space - here. I hope you will enjoy them as much as I have enjoyed writing them, in my times of inspiration stemmed from both worldly sensations common to us all - pain & contentment. 

 



Thank You.

A stranger's grace

It is yet another work day. The day stretches ahead of me and I look for some inspiration to carry me forward. Then there it is at the edge of my hearing..a man whistling away while most likely attending to his construction work on top of a nearby roof. I can’t see him though I tried to poke my head out of the window. And so the spell of mundane-ness was broken, thanks to a complete stranger.

Isolation

Isn't it ironic how much loneliness there is in this world even with so much online connection?

Stagnant

Sometimes the days are dreary even when the sun light is plentiful. Today is one of those days. Actually, the last few days have been. Sometimes, every idea we have is a bad one, every song we hear is a sad one and life is out of sync and every step is an uphill battle. No amount of effort is enough to make that blessed break through. It would have been fine if we had all the time in the world to sit it out. To wait patiently till it all fell into place.  But time as we know it is forever passing us by.

Nothing seems comforting on a day like this.  My mind has already rejected any hope of seeing the light. All I can do is wait and put an end to this futile struggle.

Days that nothing gets done

Yesterday I watched the rain drops splash ever so lightly on the windowpane while it rained half halfheartedly. The raindrops merged with the glass softly and rolled downwards to embrace the earth. A few drops hung precariously on the metal door handle till they grew too large to bear their own weight.

We watched ‘August Rush’ and I read books till I fell asleep and ate the last piece of the yummy chocolate cake; an achievement in a house full of seven grownups and two cats, one of which has a sweet tooth. We also played a version of Chinese whispers but with and addition of a long hollow tube. No one could tell what the other said but it was fun and I felt like I was a child again back in the day going to school in uncle Sena’s school van where we played these silly games.

Then night came and I tried to study and make some progress. But it didn’t work and I ended up listening to wedding songs with D and B and ate lots of junk food.

I love lazy Sundays like yesterday, those that you stay indoors all day and never set foot outdoors. In fact, today only feels like an extension of Sunday.  Though I made an attempt to be organised and plan for the week, the day has nearly passed and I have been shamefully unproductive. In my defence, I will only say that things have not at all gone my way. So far, I’ve had no luck with finding any of the material I set out to find in the library and my research has stalled. I spent the morning walking, kneeling and crawling between library shelves in the serials section in two libraries and made myself disoriented with library catalogue numbers and non-existent foreign journals.

Despite these minor setbacks, I’m enjoying the quieter-than-usual office and gloomy weather and the chill in the wind. It just makes me want to sleep.