Starting Over

I am trying to understand this gnawing restlessness inside me. It is an ocean wave that crashes against my insides at times. At other times it is merely a bubble of heaving froth that appears only to disappear instantly. Whatever the nature, it is always an undercurrent that lies low in the background. I’ve been trying to understand this feeling for a long time now. But nothing has come out of it. I have been a coward that has let the turmoil of the outside world scare me in to not searching deep within, I have let my patience run out. I have let life and its bitterness overwhelm me. I have forgotten that there is light inside.  I have let die with my spirit all that I once loved. All that I once dreamed of, I had let go of hope and deemed it nonexistent. It is the dawn of a New Year and my mind takes me back over the years and I realise there are really only two options. One is to go on living day after day, year after year, decade after decade until (God knows when) with this restlessness inside me OR to decide today to search and never stop searching that which will inspire and quench this ‘feeling’ inside me.  I have decided to go ahead and embrace the second option. This blog will be the documenting of my journey in search of that which will put me at peace with my soul once and for all. I hope those of you who will stumble across this space will find here something to relate to and hopefully thoughts to share.